Leon Marcus Zachary Music

It's A Love Story

2011-11-20T02:30:00.000-08:00

Love is a mysterious thing. It's unexplainable. It's unpredictable. It is powerful and it empowers. Love is something worth dying for. There are so many definitions out there, trying to interpret the meaning of love. Teenagers seek it. So badly that sometimes they get pulled into a web of lies and deception. And from then on, their idea of love is corrupted. They may or may not get out of that state, and that is a very sad tragedy.

I myself was once in that state. I used to think to myself, "Look at all those couples 'madly in love' with each other. How do they know? Is it a feeling that just takes over? Could something really be so magical or surreal? And if things don't work out, what happens then? What happens to all the promises they've made? What was it all for? Is it worth it?"

Fast-forward to now, and everything is so clear. It's easy to have a one-sided sort of thing going on but Ellie's in this as much as I am, if not more. Whenever I stare into her face, everything just falls into place. Yes, it IS THAT magical and surreal. Her beautiful eyes sparkle as she laughs that contagious little laugh of hers. Her beautiful smile makes any guy in the room stop and stare, most of all me. But most of all, that bubbly bounce to her step and that mindbogglingly positive aura that she radiates makes me fall in love with her over and over again.

If I could go back to myself in the past, I'd only have one thing to say. Don't stop believing. I used to stop myself from loving because it was considered feminine. But what's so effeminate about loving? We were born to love, men and women alike. For those who read this, don't let anyone tell you anything about love. Believe in what you think it is, don't let yourself get corrupted by other people's ideas. Don't stop believing.

Revelations: My Story

2011-10-11T21:17:00.002-07:00

Life has been messed up recently. And it has taken a lot out of me. But looking back now, it was a journey that I had to go through. I've finally found myself. I've finally found my direction. But it wasn't like that before. It all started when I first came to Melbourne...

I call the first part of my journey: The Suppression. When I came over to Melbourne, I left my world behind; the girl, the friends, the life. I left my life behind. This abrupt change in environment made me question things. What if I had not left? Would things be different? So many possibilities. Unfortunately, I did this primarily with the girl. Needless to say, when I left, we ended and I was left to question the possibilities. Being in an environment foreign to me didn't help. I had no one to talk to. No one to confide in. I was miserable. So I shut myself down. This was my biggest mistake.

What shutting myself down actually means is, I refused to acknowledge the feelings. It doesn't mean they're gone though. It ends up being locked deep inside an individual, as it did for me. Then it changes you. The worst part is you don't even know it is because you're ignoring it. You can't see it because it's IN you. I became insensitive. I became cruel.

Then along came a turn of events. The girl moves to Melbourne. Suddenly the possibilities emerge. This was the next part of my journey: The Chase.

What if I had not left? Would things have turned out differently? Would we have worked out? It was an unanswered question. One that turned into a fiery and destructive mission. I NEEDED to know. I became almost fanatical. It became all about her. What would I need to do to get her attention? What was I doing wrong? I was rejected many times, with the simple explanation of "We were never going to work out." The truth. But I thought it more complicated. I thought it was me. So along came the insecurities. This was the worst part of my journey: The Negativity Zone

Everything became dark. Life became bleak. For me, it just seemed like everything wasn't worth it anymore because it was all going to crash down eventually, or so I thought. I became the most annoying pessimist, passionate about the fact that life was out to get me. I didn't care to achieve much because I was too focused on how I might never be able to achieve much. I was truly lost. Luckily I found some peace by lifting weights. They weren't too heavy but it was something to do. It passed the time, and I did lots of it. I was free-falling, just living life as it passed me by.

Then I met this girl. The most amazing girl. There was an aura about her that lighted everything around her. She shone with positivity and it cut through my negativity. I was saved. Or was I? Unfortunately, the feelings that I had suppressed would come back to haunt me, which leads me to the next chapter in my life: The Blunder.

Suddenly, the first girl contacts me and tells me she misses me. She wants me in her life. Now, if I had dealt with these feelings when they first existed, it would've been clear to me. But I didn't. I still wondered. Remember, my biggest mistake was suppression. And now I had to deal with the consequences of my biggest mistake.

So I got the first girl back in my life. I had finally got what I had apparently wanted. The chase was done. There was no more wondering. And then it hit me. What am I doing? This was never about wanting her. In a way, it was simply to satisfy my curiosity, as crude as it sounds. Yes, I do cherish her as a dear friend. But not as anything more. However, it was always locked in my mind that the only reason why we didn't work out was because I left. "We were never going to work out" was certainly the truth, and she couldn't agree more. She merely wanted me in her life because she cherished me as a dear friend as well. I was just confused and messed up.

Just like that, everything became clear. I was so blinded by all the possibilities that I forgot to live my life. The life that was happening now. In a way, my head had been in the clouds for too long. So we move on to the next chapter: The Wake-Up

Or maybe we can call it my time of realisation. I realised what I truly wanted. With nothing else blinding my view, I realised my time with the girl who saved me was real. It was what I had always wanted. It was a long and tiring journey to get here but I'm here now. And from the bottom of my heart, I apologise to any and every party that was involved. I apologise for the hurt that I have caused and I understand that forgiveness may not be in the books, but here is my story and people just need to know.

Ellie, I am sorry for everything. I was lost. I made lots of horrible mistakes. But you must know that I love you. You were the light that changed the course of my journey. You cut through my thick pessimistic shell, and made me believe in hope. You made me believe in life. You made me smile again. And for that I am eternally grateful.

So what happens now? What are the possibilities? I know now that I shouldn't dwell in them and that I should just live life. I've missed out on the joys of the simple things in life. This isn't the final chapter. The future is scary but it is also exciting. When I think that I'll be going through it with my soulmate, I just can't wait. Here's to the future. Here's to happiness. Here's to finally being free.

Growing Up

2011-10-04T15:39:00.000-07:00

Growing up is a process that I've been taking for granted. It's a beautiful thing. But it's easy to not see it. As teenagers, the cliche of us feeling indestructible is there for a reason. We think we know EVERYTHING. But there comes a point when we have to say, "What do I know?" What DO we know?

If there's one thing that I've learnt, it's that life goes on. We grow from a kid, when a heartbreak would compel us to be suicidal (Not mocking real suicide victims. It truly is a tragedy), to an adult, who understands that though life may yield many an obstacle, life goes on. As it always does. We meet new people. We experience new things. There's so much of life to live. So why do we keep getting stuck? Know that life will get better. If you've reach the bottom, the only way is up.

There are some things in our lives which we think we need. But really, how do we know we need them when they're always around? It's hard to let go of ideas or things initially, but after a while you realise it's not so bad. You can live without them. We are so blinded by what we think we need, it's obviously hard to embrace the fact that we might not need it at all. But if you did let go of something that you needed in your life just to find out if you needed it at all, and if it disappears on you, you realise you've made a mistake. But so what? Mistakes are meant to be made. Life goes on. You'll never stop making mistakes. You'll never stop learning.

Life is a journey. A really difficult one. But it's worth it. If life were easy, it would be hard to appreciate. All I can say is, crawl out of that little bubble that you've decided is what life's all about, and let yourself be rocked by new ideas. Stay open-minded. I'm not saying you're wrong but the main thing we need to understand is, we're not always right. And it's alright.

Without Music, Life Would Be A Mistake

2011-10-02T04:50:00.000-07:00

So it's evident that writing about one's feelings is overdone. So much so that when I first heard of blogging, I thought it was a medium where people sob and mope in the form of words. But there're food blogs, business blogs, sports blogs etc. Blogging has become a form of media, a source of information.

So I've decided the theme of my blog is going to be about music (obviously). I'll comment on new songs, comment on cover songs, write

my own songs, stuff of that sort. This is new for me, so give me some time to settle down.

I DO know my stuff though so bear with me for a bit.

Btw, this here's my band The Red Lemons. Here's a link:

https://www.facebook.com/pages/The-Red-Lemons/258420367524334

Like our music page! And mine too of course :P

Anger Is One Letter Short Of Danger

2011-09-28T04:16:00.000-07:00

I hate it. Anger consumes you. It makes you do stupid things. Things you'll live to regret. And for what? All you're left with is an empty emotion. Anger is never without reason but seldom with a good one. It clouds judgement. And everybody knows this. So why do we still allow ourselves to be consumed?

Personally, I think it's because it's the easiest emotion to access. It's so easy to get angry. Anger seems to have the answer to every problem. It seems appropriate in every situation where things aren't going your way. It's really just an escape from reality sometimes. Too afraid to deal with a situation upfront? Get angry. Life kicks you in the nuts? Get angry.

We need to learn how to identify that we're angry, and then stay away from it.

Seriously, if you're starting to feel angry, don't be.

When Life Gets You Down

2011-09-26T23:58:00.000-07:00

Let's face it, life is hard. Yes, life can have its magical moments: meeting the love of your life, getting the dream job; but the majority of it, we're really just working towards those moments. Life always feels like a climb. And that kinda sucks. Being a teenager who recently discovered this truth, I coped with this reality pretty badly. But more on that some other time.

Basically, I began to shy away from magical moments because they always came crashing down on me eventually. I felt that they were fantasies that I shouldn't dwell in. I was afraid. I was weak. Not anymore. I'm ready to face life as it comes because that's really what life is all about. To keep learning from our mistakes. To keep rising when life kicks you to the ground and spits on you. Taller, stronger, better than before.

I'm doing that now. And life's looking pretty sweet now.

I thank you. And I love you.

Now I know when I'm grey and old, I can look back and say, I've truly grown.

Here we go again...

2011-09-25T08:23:00.000-07:00

Hey guys! So here's another attempt at blogging. Yes, I've tried before but I failed miserably because I always got bored midway through writing. Well I'm gonna try and change that. I've got topics to blog about. Music. Love. Life.

Music vids will uploaded here for your viewing pleasure. I'll drop some links so y'all can subscribe to my Youtube channel or like my Facebook page. Would really appreciate it if you guys could :) Also, I'll post my original song lyrics or complete songs here for public analysis, be it constructive criticism or just absolute destruction. It's alright, I ain't scared. Haha in fact, this'll be fun!

I have really weird views on life and sometimes it's too much for me to keep in. I'm trying to understand the world a lil better and I think writing about it will help. I'm not a poet or anything, but I'll try to get my point across.

So yea, maybe this is gonna be a sort of outlet for me when things get rough. Hopefully, this will turn out to be a nurturing experience ;)